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Allow Yourself To Be Loved :)

On Maundy Thursday, one of our activities in the Jesus Week was the Washing of the Feet. Let me begin by sharing the introduction to the ritual: 
Tonight, let the physical act of washing one's feet and the openness of allowing one's feet to be washed remind us of Jesus' openness to enter into the spirit of community living. Jesus is a servant, a slave who wants to humbly reveal to us and say to each one of us "I LOVE YOU" and "I AM WITH YOU."
Touch is the sense of love. Jesus touched with tenderness and so we are also being invited to do the same. To discover the tenderness in us in a form of love. It creates a movement of oneness. The actual touching of the body of the disciples is important to Jesus who treats them as temples of the Holy Spirit. Our body is the place where the Spirit resides. 
The washing of the feet is about relationship, a relationship of TENDERNESS. We use our hands to serve. Let us allow the tender hands of Jesus to touch us through our brothers and sisters. In the gesture of extending our foot to be washed, let us allow ourselves to be served. Let these parts of our body speak to us. They have something to tell us, like the whole life of Jesus which is revealed in gestures. Jesus calls us to do what He did gently, wanting to serve each other.  
After the activity, we were given time for Adoration, Reflection, and Journal-Writing. And here's what I wrote on my journal: 

2 April 2015
Maundy Thursday

I felt cleansed, special, and at the same time, humbled. The person who washed my foot was someone I don't personally know. Her name is Gail. That's all I know. But I wouldn't forget how she lovingly washed my foot and kissed it. I was worried and conscious during the activity because my right foot, the one that she washed and kissed, still had that ugly scar from the motorcycle accident last year. Nakakahiya yung itsura ng paa kong yun. Kahit ako hindi ko kayang tingnan ng matagal kasi hanggang ngayon, nandidiri pa rin ako. And every time I look at it, I remember the excruciating pain that I felt while I was lying on the rocky ground with the motorcycle's muffler burning my skin. And worse, Papa was the driver. I must admit that somehow that accident created a gap between us. I have already forgiven Papa because I know he didn't want it to happen and I have seen how sorry he was. Before I left Iloilo after Lola's death, we had a very emotional encounter. But as I said, the scar is still there (and I guess it would be there forever, so future husband, that's another thing about me that I hope you could also accept), and every time I see it, I remember everything. 

When Sis Gail washed and kissed that foot, I felt it was God embracing me, telling me lovingly, "Anak, mahal na mahal Kita. Kilala Kita at alam Ko lahat ng tungkol sa 'yo. Lahat ng hindi mo kayang tanggapin sa sarili mo, lahat ng hindi mo gusto sa buhay mo, alam Ko yun. At sinasabi ko sa 'yo, mahal Kita sa kabila ng lahat ng yun. Tanggap Kita kasama ng lahat ng kahinaan, kasalanan, karumihan, at kakulangan mo. Tanggap Kita dahil Akin ka." (My Child, I love you very much. I know you. I know everything about you. I know what you don't like and what you can't accept in your life. And I am telling you, I love you despite everything. I accept you with all your weaknesses, sins, blemishes, and imperfections. I accept you because you are Mine.)

Sometimes I wonder if I'm still deserving to be loved, to be found by a man who would take me and love me as I am - flaws, scars, and ugliness. But God assured me, through the washing of the feet, most especially, that He loves me no matter what. Yes, I deserve to be loved even if I feel unworthy because at the Cross, Jesus was thinking of me and He had nothing to say but "I love you too much... this much. You are deserving of My life."

During Adoration, the Lord continued to speak: "Allow yourself to be loved, Aiza." God knows how I have grown to be an independent woman because of the circumstances that I had to face especially during the last three years. Now He reminds me that I can't go on loving and serving without allowing myself to be loved and be served as well. Otherwise, my love tank would eventually run dry and empty. 

I thank the Lord for this new perspective. And I ask for the grace to be able to accept love from other people, to never question their intention, and to never doubt if it's genuine or not. :)

Sarah Dessen said it beautifully: "Holding people away from you, and denying yourself love, that doesn't make you strong. If anything, it makes you weaker. Because you're doing it out of fear." 

Photo Credit:

Allow yourself to be loved... "and don't be surprised if your heart begins to hear music you've never heard and your feet learn to dance as never before." ♥

Happy 500th post! :D

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