Graceful Exit ♥

"Alam ko it will really seem different for the next days but know that you'll always have a family here in GMC."

It has been a week - just a week - since I left GMC. But why does it feel like it's been months already?

I spent most of my days for the past five years at the CFC Global Mission Center. It has become my second home, and the people I've worked with have become my second family. And like any normal family, ours was far from perfect. There was joy, and pain, unity, and conflict, love, and yes, sometimes hate (for all that is wrong and unjust). I lived with all of those for five beautiful and meaningful years.

And now, I'm leaving everything behind. It's liberating, but at the same time, scary. It's like breaking up with someone you've been with for a long time. It's getting out of your comfort zone and stepping into an unknown future. I really don't know where and how to start. All I have is faith and the knowledge that God will never abandon me.

Fr. Mon told me that everyone deserves a graceful exit. I thought hard about it and pondered how I could possibly achieve it. Then I realized, it will only be possible with God.

It's called "graceful" exit simply because it takes grace - God's grace.

It's giving not just your best, but also your everything for the love of the mission. And yes, up until the very end. It's knowing you never settled for the mediocre, not once in all those years you've been in service. You gave your all from start to finish. Because you know that your ultimate boss was God Himself.

It's knowing you stayed not because you don't have anywhere else to go to, not because you're left with no other option, not because you wanted to reach the tenure by which you can earn retirement/separation benefits, not because you're afraid to go out of your comfort zone, not because of anything else but LOVE. You are just too passionate about this work and you can't just leave without the assurance that there would be right people to sustain it.

It's finding hope in the knowledge that this is God's work and He will provide.

And He indeed provided - the right reasons, the right people, the right circumstances. Talk about perfect timing.

So I left with peace and joy, and without regrets nor grudges. All is well. And it was made possible because of God's sufficient grace.

Now, as I try to joyfully embrace what I hope to be positive change, I'm taking with me a deep sense of gratitude for all that has been - the people, the trials, the pains - everything that made me who I am now (stronger, better than ever). I'm grateful most especially for the family that I earned in GMC. If there's one thing I'd miss, it's the relationship that I have with all those beautiful souls - especially my 3rd floor family. As I said, it's far from perfect, but I cherish all those moments that I spent with them. And I will carry all the lessons I learned from them wherever life may take me. Speaking of life, I can boldly say that I am still alive and well because of the prayers of everyone who love and care for me. After all those hospital-hopping and medical procedures and all sorts of drugs (for medical purposes, huwag po sana akong ma-tokhang :D), I'm still fighting and surviving, thanks to the constant prayers of my angels on earth.

Thank you, GMC! :)

I don't really know what will happen next. And those who know me well know for a fact that I don't really like that feeling - that I don't have control over things. I feel so weak and helpless if I don't have a clear idea of what is to come. I am a planner. I set deadlines for myself. I have specific goals to achieve. And I work with timelines. I hate uncertainties. But it's everything that I've got now. 

Of course I've had my Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, etc., but at the moment, the only plan that's for sure and that has been carried out, is the trip to Iloilo. The rest are still gray areas existing only in my wildest dreams - for now. While I do work hard to accomplish them, I'm currently at the point of SURRENDER. Because really, they're already beyond my control. 

I submitted several applications online. But I can't really do anything until they call me back, right? And so far, I've been contacted by just four companies, and only two of them has scheduled me for an interview. I no longer consider the first one since it has been a long time already and I haven't heard anything from them again, and the other one is still a long shot.

I've taken all the medicines prescribed and have tried my best to take better care of myself through proper nutrition, a bit of exercise, and plenty of rest, but I'm still in pain every now and then. Though I can say that there have been significant improvements, I still feel there's a lot more to do. It gets frustrating sometimes because I feel that I've done too much (and spent too much as well) and yet I'm still far from ideal, but I choose to carry on and continue to fight.

So yeah, at this point, all I can really say is, "bahala na si Lord." Nope, I won't entrust my unknown future to a known hero (Batman), only to a known God.

To healing and recovery, to better opportunities, to career advancements, to financial freedom, to becoming the best version of my self yet! These are the roads I'm about to take as I say goodbye to the old familiar place, and say hello to a whole new world of change!

I've never been this scared. And excited!

***

I received this message about two years ago, but just as God is eternal, so is His word. :)

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Your life may not be working exactly how you’ve planned, but believing in Me also requires trusting in Me. I have plans for your life - good plans. I want you to experience hope for the future. But you have to trust Me.

You were made for this time, for this day, for this moment. You were made to walk these streets, wander these paths, to live this life. Every small detail of your life was created like threads of a tapestry, when the parts all come together they reveal My plan. You might not see it now, but what I am weaving is beautiful.

Do you believe that? Do you trust that I know what I’m doing? That what I am creating will be good? Remember I know what the future holds for your life.

Stop holding on to the “what-ifs.” I have allowed things to happen for a reason. Trust in the assurance of My timing, even in the smallest details of your life. That red light may be a saving grace. That long line at the store may be a clue that you need to slow down. The promotion you were passed up for may not have been right for you. All these moments, small and large are part of the fullness of life.

Rest today in the thought that I want the best for you and hold to hope while you wait for the details to work themselves out.