I've been complaining about my back and my left foot and Mama insists that I should go to bed and get some sleep but I'm just so loaded with thoughts that I couldn't sleep without writing (read: blogging) them. :)
Last night, I mean last Saturday, I attended the service team recollection led by one of my most loved priests, Fr. Benedict Lagarde. He is a missionary priest who is so passionate in his ministry that he could talk about it for hours. :) And I don't mind the lengthy discussion and sharing because I am actually learning a lot from him. He just doesn't share his experiences during his missions but he gives powerful insights as well. Every missionary should really talk to him to have a deeper understanding of and a greater appreciation for the mission. :)
I left the recollection venue (Divine Mercy Shrine) with only one conviction: The Lord loves me and will never abandon me.
Fr. Benedict said that if you're doing something great for the Lord, you will definitely end up tired. I loved how he said it in Filipino: "Kung hindi ka pagod, ibig lang sabihin, hindi ka nagtatrabaho nang husto." In other words, wala kang ginagawa (you're not doing anything). :)
The ICON week begins today and honestly, I'm a bit bothered because until now, there are still a lot of concern regarding registration. We haven't released the final list of delegates because there are still more than a hundred pending transactions. And I know it's not my fault. I'm at the point when I just want to sit and relax and put the blame on certain people who don't have that needed sense of urgency nor the heart to sacrifice a little to get things done. I'm at the point when I want to scream at everybody who didn't follow the guidelines or didn't even read the memo (on which I've put so much effort). I'm at the point when I want to just go somewhere else and spend time alone with God because I can reason out that I'm tired, I'm sick, and I need to rest.
At this point I can already hear people telling me, "you don't have to do everything, Aiza" or "don't bother yourself, Aiza" or "let them do their jobs, Aiza" or "leave now, Aiza" or "you can still serve without being a fulltime, Aiza" or "there are greater things that await you outside GMC, Aiza".
But in the midst of these shouts from people who care, I can hear a tiny voice in the deepest recesses of my heart whispering, "I love you, Aiza. Come to Me. Follow Me. Go where I send you."
And all those other voices fade.
I am here not because I am holier than anybody else. I am doing this not because I am better than the rest. I am here and I am doing this because I am unworthy, because I have a greater need for Him, and because this is where I find Him.
What I am going through is nothing compared to what He has gone through for my sake. All the sleepless nights, the pains, the disappointments and failures, the sacrifices are incomparable to His wounds, His sufferings, His death.
I am what I am by His grace. I do what I do also by His grace.
All because I love Him. All because He loved me first. :)
I love because I am...
#SFCICON2013: By God (Love). Through God (Love). For God(Love).