I welcomed the "merry" month of May with much enthusiasm and excitement. Aside from it being the month of Mary, my Mama's birth month, and my parents' wedding month, it is also the month of mothers. And I was hoping I could also be celebrated this year as one of those brave and strong women we call mom (or mama or nanay or lola) Why not? I know a lot of women who are either pregnant or have just given birth, and just this week, I learned that Assunta de Rossi is finally pregnant despite having endometriosis. So my hopes were really high. I haven't forgotten that I have severe endometriosis, but I thought, if Assunta had her miracle, maybe mine is also just around the corner. However, on that same day, my period came, after four long months. We've made several lifestyle changes since last year and I've been taking meds to treat my condition. I know it will take a miracle, but as what my OB tells me, nothing is impossible. We just have to keep trying. And so we did. And I was hoping we would be successful this time since we're not that stressed from the usual daily commute and we have enough rest. But it wasn't enough. Imagine my frustration. I couldn't stop crying during the Healing Rosary. I had no words. Just a broken heart (play Westlife's Sound of a Broken Heart).
Yesterday, during his homily, Fr. JD shared what the disciples were told to do when they are rejected. And it's also what we need to do when we're hurt:
Image Source: typographicverses.com
Let go. Shake it off. Move on.
Sounds easy. But the struggle is real. In fact, while I was talking to my parents this morning, I still cried out of frustration. I have always dreamed of becoming a mother, of raising a family. And while I am happy for couples who didn't have a hard time conceiving, I can't help but also envy them. I can't explain how I feel. All I know is I'm hurting. Especially today. I guess I hoped too much.
But thanks to Fr. JDs timely homily, I did not totally break down. My parents' comforting words also helped. Plus, I saw this on Facebook and my "word of encouragement" happened to be "God will help me fulfill my dreams. I have no doubts." ❤️
The fight's not over yet. A delay is not a denial. So yeah, let's shake it off. There will still be another Mother's Day celebration next year and the following years. It's an annual thing! There's no need to rush. ❤️
Today, despite all the emotions (including the fact that I terribly miss my folks in Iloilo), I chose to celebrate me as me - not yet a mother, but a wife. I did the chores, washed the dishes, cooked, shared stories with my husband...
There's a lot more that I can do while waiting for our miracle. 😊
I just have to remind myself that when the time is right, the Lord Himself will make it happen. ❤️ (Isaiah 60:22)
Closing the night with this affirmation:
Sweet dreams, everyone! Believe your dreams will come true. ❤️
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