You have everything to give
You are everything we need
Oh just be with me My Lord
And take away the rest
Take away the rest
Tonight I cried a little bit more during Holy Communion. I highlighted that part of the song which caused me almost a liter of tears.
See, we're going through a lot these days. Our weekends have been spent mostly at Makati Med for checkups and procedures that don't seem to end. It's tiring, and costly (thank God for health cards and insurances). And I can't help but be frustrated every time I'm given a new prescription or a new order (sobrang suki na ako ng lab at radiology). My greatest worry is my husband. We've been married for three months (pa lang) and he already had to deal with all these stuff. Actually, he's no longer new to this. He's been with me since my first ever surgery back in November 2015 (while we were still 'just friends'). He has seen me at my worst and he has been a constant witness to my 'episodes'. Nakakahiya na sa kanya. I feel that he doesn't deserve all the stress and sleepless nights and having to wake up early to accompany me to my hospital appointments. Nakakapagod. But he never complained and every time I tell him I'm sorry for being such a burden, he always tells me it's part of what he signed up for. "Di ba nga, in sickness and in health?", he says.
I thank the Lord for giving me such a husband but the weak human that I am can't help but feel guilt. And I tend to overthink.
Tonight, in his homily, Fr. Armand said that we must exercise self-denial. And it's not just denying oneself of unnecessary material things but also denying oneself of unnecessary worries/anxieties. Self-denial is letting go of the physical, the emotional, and the mental. It's simply allowing God to take over and just have complete faith. Borrowing Fr. Greg's words from his homily yesterday, "sumasamba nang may panatag na kalooban."
I thought I already had it in me, but when you're going through something difficult and uncertain, that's when your faith is truly tried and tested.
Tonight, I realized I still lack faith (the kind which leaves you at peace despite the odds) and so I repeatedly prayed,
"Oh just be with me My Lord
And take away the rest"
Take away the rest of my worries, doubts, fears, guilt, and everything else that hinders me from seeing the beauty in all these experiences and from allowing myself to be loved and be cared for. I am blessed to have a husband who is patient and loving and kind. I just have to appreciate him. Instead of overthinking (which in fact isn't really helpful), I need to focus on getting better and taking extra care of my body so we could all live happily ever after. ❤️
I'll end with this: It is in the Lord that we find strength. His grace is more than sufficient. ❤️
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