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I'm Thirty and I Know It ♥

Everyone was excited. They said I should brace myself for a big surprise. Because it's the weekend, and because I'll be thirty. 

I tried my best not to expect anything, because I know for a fact that with great expectations comes great disappointments. But human as I am, I couldn't help but hope for something special to happen. It sucks but I still consider myself a hopelessful romantic. I still believe that fairy tales can come true. Dreamy, I know. But that's just the way I am. Until I was hit by the realities of being thirty. 

For the second time I spent my birthday away from my family, and for the first time in three decades, I spent it all by myself. Loneliness knows by name, huh?! Not. 

I had a lot of plans. But too little money. Now that's the problem. Haha. You see, money can't buy love nor happiness, but it can make you do the things you love and things that make you happy. But that's not really the issue. I'm someone who appreciates the littlest of things, so I don't really mind not having enough money to splurge. What I value is presence

And so, on the day of my birthday, last Saturday, I felt the overwhelming presence of God. Especially that no one else was around. 

I woke up feeling hopeful and excited. I read some really heartwarming text messages, though not as many as before because everyone else greeted me on Facebook. After grabbing some caramel bar for breakfast, I prepared to leave. I spent the next few hours at the Shrine of St. Joseph in Anonas. Since it was also my Lola's 2nd death anniversary, I offered mass for the repose of her soul and for my birthday thanksgiving and intentions. 

After my date with my greatest Lover, I went home and did the household chores that were long overdue. I just quit my weekend job (which I managed to keep for three months) and so for the first time in quite a long time, I had a free weekend. 

So I cleaned the apartment until it was shining bright like a diamond. Haha. At the same time, I was waiting for a surprise. 

Until... surprise!!! There was no surprise. 

I was done cleaning by around 11PM. I wanted to go to a nearby Jollibee but it was raining too hard (I had a heavy downpour of tears as well). Oh I almost forgot to mention that I also ate at Jollibee for lunch. I ordered Jolly Spaghetti, a Regular Yum, and a large iced tea. And it so happened that there was a Jolly Kids Party happening at the branch, and while the guests were singing "happy birthday" to the celebrant, I imagined myself surrounded by the people I love singing the same greeting to me. Ugh! Too much drama! 

Anyway, that was it. My thirtieth birthday was extraordinarily ordinary. But it's the ordinariness that made it so special, so meaningful, so memorable. 

I was reminded of the basics of life. I was taught what it really means to be thirty. 

If I could "celebrate" it all over again, of course I would have wanted a different experience, but I could not doubt the fact that God knew what He was doing. He had his reasons why that particular Saturday turned out the way it did. 

And while I could think of so many bitter responses, I chose the only better response: to still be grateful.

I'm grateful for the gift of life. 
I'm grateful for the Lord's faithfulness for the past three decades of my life. 
I'm grateful for the people through whom I experience His love - not just a sweet kind of love, but also a love that hurts (a necessary hurt to make you stronger and better than before). 
I'm grateful for the strength to carry on. 
I'm grateful for His grace that sustains me. 
I'm grateful for His Divine providence.
I'm grateful for His mercy. 
I'm grateful for His love that never fails. 

Now that I'm thirty, I know better. I should must.
Life is not a bed of rose. You will not always get what you want. But one thing's for sure: God will give you what you need, and He will accompany you throughout the journey. 

And guess what? To me, that is enough. ♥

My Patron Saint teaching me what it means to be a lady in waiting. ♥

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