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Bukas na Liham Para sa Aking Minamahal ♥

Nang ginising mo ako kaninang alas-3 ng madaling araw, akala ko nagpapapansin ka lang. Hindi kita masyadong inintindi at pinilit kong bumalik sa pagtulog. Ngunit hindi mo ako tinigilan. Siniguro mong mararamdaman ko ang iyong presensya hanggang sa wala na akong nagawa kundi bumangon at pakinggan ang mensaheng nais mong iparating. 

Naiintindihan kita. At humihingi ako ng tawad. 

Alam kong marami akong naging pagkukulang sa 'yo. Hindi ko natumbasan ang pagmamahal at pag-aalagang ibinigay sa 'yo ng iyong mga magulang noong ikaw ay bata pa. Maraming pagkakataon na hindi ka nakakapagpahinga o nakakatulog nang husto. Minsan sa sobrang pagiging abala ko sa mga gawain sa paaralan o sa trabaho o maging sa bahay, nakakaligtaan na kitang pakainin. Maaalala ko na lang kapag dumaing ka na. Ilang ulit ka na rin bang napagod sa pakikipagsiksikan sa bus o sa jeep o sa FX, nangalay dahil sa pagbubuhat ng mabigat, pumila nang pagkahaba-haba, o maglakad nang pagkalayo-layo dahil walang masakyan? 

Batid ko ring hindi matatawaran ang pagtitiyaga mong maghintay...
... ng makakain
... ng masasakyan
... ng pahinga o ng pagkakataong matulog.

Kadasalan, habang abala ako sa pagsisilbi sa iba, nakakalimutan kong nandyan ka nga pala. Habang binubuhos ko ang aking oras at talento upang matugunan ang pangangailangan ng iba, ikaw naman ang aking napagwawalang-bahala. 

Kaya naman hindi kita masisisi kung bakit ka nagkakaganito ngayon. Kung ito lang ang paraan para makuha mo ang atensyon ko, hindi mo na sasayangin pa ang pagkakataon. 

Oo, alam kong nagkamali ako. At lubha akong nagsisisi. Hindi na tayo dapat umabot pa sa ganito. Pero kasalanan ko ang lahat, kaya kahit anong hirap, kahit anong sakit, tatanggapin ko ang anumang kapalit ng aking pagpapabaya. 

Ang hiling ko lang ay isa pang pagkakataon... 
... para magsimula tayong muli
... para itama ko ang aking mga pagkakamali
... para alagaan ka at mahalin nang tama. 

Maari mo ba akong pagbigyan? Mapapatawad mo pa ba ako? Sana hindi pa huli ang lahat.

Pinapangako ko sa 'yo, sa tulong at grasya ng Panginoon, mas mamahalin kita, mas aalagaan, at kailanman ay hindi na kalilimutan. Maglalaan ako ng oras para lang sa 'yo, at walang ibang maaaring umagaw ng panahong iyon. Mas pakikinggan kita at uunawain. Hindi na ako magbubulag-bulagan at magbibingi-bingihan sa lahat ng iyong hinaing. 

Asahan mo ang pagtupad ko sa mga pangakong ito hanggang sa pagtanda natin. 

Ikaw pa rin ang gusto kong makasama. Ikaw pa rin ang tunay kong sinisinta. Kailangan kita para ang mga bagay ay gawing tama. Pakiusap, subukan natin uli. Huwag tayong sumuko. Naniniwala akong kaya nating pagtagumpayan ang lahat ng ito. 

Magsimula tayo uli. Ngayon. 


Nagmamahal,

Ang Iyong Sarili

Photo Credit: LoveIsNotAbuse.com

P.S.

Pwede na ba tayong matulog uli? :)

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