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Overwhelming Love ♥

During the Theology of the Body Weekend, God has revealed a lot to me, mostly about myself. On Saturday night I read Jason Evert's Pure Manhood before going to bed. On the way home yesterday, I read Crystalina Evert's Pure Womanhood. I felt like I've gone to three retreats (Theology of the Body, Knights Tale, Princess Diaries) in just one and a half days. I couldn't be more grateful. :)

As I reflect on the key messages of this weekend, I can't help but remember my past hurts and brokenness. I already told a little about my "love" journey here but I never shared the whole story. It was just too ugly that I didn't want to talk about it. Let's just say that I don't have the guts to tell the whole world (at least the readers of this blog) how stupid I was then. I couldn't just accept the fact that I did foolish things for what I thought was "love." And it's frustrating to realize that after all the tears that I cried, the sacrifices I had to make, the pains that I was forced to endure, everything was just a lie. Nothing was ever true. It wasn't really love at all. 

In my mind I was singing, "If only I can turn back time..." If only I had known about theology of the body then... If only I had read Fr. Joel's book then... If only I had heard of Christopher West or Jason Evert or Chris Stefanick, or Leah Darrow then... If only... 

I would not have acquired a broken heart and a crushed spirit... I would not have suffered tremendous pain... 

Yes, I regret having such a past. And yes, I regret wasting my love and my time on something of no value at all. I told Lawrence about it and I was affirmed by his response: "well, we acquire wounds in life, hoping one day that they get healed. :) past is past. let's look forward together. :)"

I felt that those words are the very words of God. He's speaking to me now, telling me that He is not condemning me, urging me to go and sin no more.

These tears are no longer of pain but of exceeding joy because of what God has done in me and for me. He loved me freely, totally, faithfully (and exclusively). He wants me to bear fruit that's why He nourishes me. He's assuring me that whatever happened in the past is a thing of the past, and has nothing to do with my future unless I allow it to still have control over me.

God has forgiven me. I should forgive myself too. And I thank God for giving me the grace to really forgive - those who hurt me, myself, and God Himself. :)

The weekend was such an overwhelming experience of God's love and forgiveness. And until now, I can still hear Him sing, "I love you more than you'll ever know, My princess."

"I forgive you. I love you. You are Mine. Take My hand. Go in peace. Sin no more, beloved one."

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