Even before 2011 ended, I already told myself that I would attend EVERY major conference or event of the community. This month, aside from the CFC Leaders Conference in Araneta, there is also the "Magnificat" Weekend (MC Weekend Retreat) happening tomorrow (January 27) until Sunday. I sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo want to go. But the circumstances don't seem to cooperate. I've been arguing with God about this, especially today. I tried my best to justify my intentions and my purpose of going there. I've been begging Him to make a way for me to go. But He just wouldn't listen. And it hurts me everytime He smiles and says, "No, My princess, stay here." For one last time tonight, I begged Him again. And His reply was through John 21 (The Appearance of Jesus by the Lake). "Truly, I say to you, when you were young you put on your belt and walked where you liked. But when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands and another will put a belt around you and lead you where you do not wish to go." (John 21:18)
I wanted to go to Baguio this weekend. But everything around me says I'm more needed here. Text messages and emails are overflowing as if they're telling me that even if I go to Baguio, I will never be able to focus on the retreat because they will only be haunting me (because they appear to be urgent matters).
I wanted to complain. In fact, I even cried out my disappointment. But as tears roll down my face, I can feel God embracing me, telling me, "Don't cry, My princess. It's not that I don't want you to be in Baguio. I know you've been praying hard for it. I also know that you've been wanting to take a break. But My daughter, I still need you to do something for Me. I need you to be here."
And then I was reminded. I don't always get what I want. It's not always about me.
Yesterday, I should have gone to The Fort and brought home loot bags from Flippish and Soyami. But a sister requested for an urgent one-to-one and the service meeting for the ICON was moved in the evening. I went home not with giveaways but with a lighter heart and several paperworks. :)
It's not always about me.
Because everything is supposed to be about God. Him first. Others second. I third. :)
And He affirmed to me through Psalm 139 that He is everywhere. I don't need to be in Baguio to experience Him and be in His presence. Because in fact, He is here, right beside me. And He is always with me, wherever, whenever. :)
And because He wanted me to stay, He must have prepared something great for me here! Claiming for and looking forward to a spirit-filled, meaningful, productive, and joyful weekend! ♥