Whole Again ❤️

I am writing (typing) this with so much joy and gratitude because earlier this week, I went to see my doctor who announced the good news that I don't have the big C. 😍

Actually, one of my proudest moments in January was when this same doctor explained to me the results of my ultrasound and the possibility of me having cancer. My old worrier self would have already cried a river upon hearing it. But by the amazing grace of God, I calmly listened and agreed to have the biopsy done. 💪 The last thing my doctor told me before I left his clinic was, "let's pray it's not malignant." 🙏 Honestly, even before he said it, I was already at the point of total surrender. And because I have entrusted the results to the Lord, I was confident that He would hear our prayer. God knows all the hell I've been through during my last surgery, and I know He knows too well that the last thing I want is to undergo another surgery. God is a God of mercy, and it pains Him too when we suffer. 🙂

Anyway, let's get to the main topic. 😁

Source: FaithGateway.com

I really want to share a summary of what I learned from the first book I finished this 2020: WHOLE AGAIN

The book's message is simple: Strive for WHOLENESS, not just wellness. After all, we were created as one whole person. Yes, we have different body parts, and different specialists for each of the organs. I have personally seen not less than 10 different doctors within the past year (gastro, ob, ortho, physiatrist, surgeon, anesthesiologist, ent, and a neurologist - the last specialist requested for an MRI which revealed as an incidental note, the presence of a nodule on my right thyroid. The ultrasound showed that it's indeed suspicious, thus the need for a biopsy.).

But the book says only God knows us as the whole human being that we are, and He who created us, is the only sure doctor who can heal us wholly. So the book suggested that we go back to our nature. We go back to God.

What probably struck me most was this whole paragraph:

"God has the power to restore, rebuild, and renew your body and being. He knows your needs. Trust and have faith. Cooperate with grace. Trust His process, trust His timing."

I really took it to heart and strived to live by it. And the results are amazing! Like I said, I used to be a worrier. I used to catch myself crying inconsolably for no particular reason. I used to overthink A LOT. But thank God, I've learned to say ENOUGH to all the negative thoughts and emotions my sickness has fed me with. And since I made the decision to TRUST MORE and have a little MORE FAITH, and COOPERATE WITH GRACE, I've been a whole lot better! ❤️

I wrote in my journal/planner one of my major goals for this year: BE WHOLE AGAIN! And I've listed 12 concrete steps in order to achieve it (based on the recommendations from the book).

1. Sleep for at least 7 hours a day. And always end each day with a prayer of surrender. Paolo and I try our best to be in bed by 11pm or latest 12mn and we take turns in leading the prayer. 🙂 (Last night, my husband simply said, "Lord, thank you for my wife." And I already got teary-eyed. Haha. If you know Paolo, you know why. 😁)

2. Breathe slowly, deeply, and long. I now practice abdominal breathing, which, according to the book, is the proper way of breathing. Inhale through the nose (5 seconds), hold (5 seconds), exhale through the mouth (5 seconds). Yes, meditation really helps! 🙂

3. Drink no less than 2 liters of water a day. Drink one glass of water upon waking up and strive to keep urine light. When I was recovering from the surgery, I was advised to drink 3 liters of water a day. I used to think of it as a burden, but now, I'm craving for more water! I don't mind having more frequent restroom breaks because they are also an opportunity for me to move. 🙂

4. Eat healthy. Eat natural. Eat more plants. I used to think of healthy food choices as expensive. But when you've been sick for a long time, you would soon realize that truly, health is wealth. My husband would always tell me that he'd rather spend money on healthy stuff than on medicines and hospitalization. So now we're really more conscious on what we eat. And we make sure we have fruits and veggies on our daily meals. 😍

5. Chase the sun. We all need Vitamin D! And while we can take supplements, nothing still beats the original source, the sun! Remember how our parents would bring us out every morning just to bask in the warmth of the sun? During my recovery period, I was also told to get enough morning sun for faster healing. Plus, it lifts up our mood. Now I only use my umbrella when it's raining. I love walking on sunshine! ❤️ Step into the light, and feel better! 🙂

6. Move more often. As mentioned in the book, too much sitting will kill you. That's why I said I no longer mind having frequent restroom breaks, because I get to stand and walk. Also, most evenings, I just walk from the office to our home. Not only do I save money, I am also able to save myself from further injuries caused by prolonged inactivity. Lastly, I do morning and evening exercises, particularly for my back (the ones taught during PT sessions). I don't have the clearance to go back to the gym yet, but I do what I can to stay active. 💪

7. Go back to nature. Be one with Mother Earth. The book suggested that we see, hear, smell, taste, and even think GREEN (that is to adopt a greener, more sustainable lifestyle). Pao and I agreed to have monthly nature dates (it could be as simple as a walk in the park). We really need to commune with nature. "Close to nature, closer to God." ♥️

8. Laugh more and CHOOSE to be happy always. I highlighted the word "choose" because we really need to make a conscious effort to choose what is good and beautiful, and to always find happiness especially in the little things, and amidst life's troubles. Good thing I have the corniest, yet funniest husband. 😁 We also send each other stuff that warms our hearts or make us giggle with "kilig". Again, it's in the little things. 🙂

9. Trust more and worry not. I won't say, "worry less" because then you'd still worry. Rather, I'd second Padre Pio's well-known statement, "Pray. Hope. Don't worry." A wise priest once said, "When things are beyond our comprehension, it is an invitation for us to put our trust in Him and submit ourselves to His plan." On the following day, he added, "In the face of every impossible situation, fear is useless; what is needed is faith." So yeah, FAITH OVER FEAR. Because we have a strong and faithful God we can rely on. 🙂 1 Peter 5:7 reminds, "Cast all your worries on God, for He cares for you." What a beautiful assurance. ❤️ Also, as Bob Marley said, "don't worry about a thing 'cause every little thing gonna be alright."

10. Live a purposeful life. Cliché as it is, but we really need to be able to answer this question daily: "para kanino ka bumabangon?" What on earth are you here for? Unless we know for sure, we won't be living our lives to the fullest. As for me, I live to love and be a testimony of God's goodness.

11. Commit. Knowing your purpose is not enough. You also need commitment. I commit to loving myself more and taking care of myself better so I can love more and take better care of others. ❤️

12. Forgive. Because as Ben & Ben beautifully sang, "you never really love someone until you learn to forgive." This completes the puzzle. And I'll start and end with myself. 🙂

I'm sharing this to the public (at least to those who'll get to read this) for the first time, so please don't judge me. 😁 I always say that I admire my husband so much and that I see him as the better version of myself. I still do, and every day, I find something amazing in him that makes me love him even more. But what I didn't realize (until only recently when I really took a step back and tried to see what's wrong with me, why I don't seem to get well despite all the medications...) was while I was noticing all the good things about my husband, I was failing to recognize and appreciate my own goodness. In the process of loving him more and more, I was paying less and less attention to myself. I even got to the point of hating myself for not being good enough, at least not as good as my husband, or not being healthy enough (yet) to bear my own child. I then wrote a letter to my husband to share these sentiments. I put it in writing because I know I won't be able to tell him everything by speaking. As soon as I open my mouth, my tears would drown all the words I'm supposed to say. So I wrote. And he read. About an hour after reading my "tell-all" letter (I tell you it's really long, but probably not as long as this blog post 😁), my husband held my hand and started reminding me of my own accomplishments. How I raised funds for our preemie goddaughter (of course I told him it wasn't just me because he was also part of that initiative, but he said his efforts were nothing compared to mine), how I support my family in Iloilo, how I help those in need, how good I am with paperworks, how I managed to survive doing all the metrics at work when my colleague suddenly left, how I patiently do the household chores, how I cook and prepare our baon, and some other things I do on a regular basis, which I think are just "normal" and are part of my responsibilities. My husband helped me realize once again my own strengths and why I should not belittle myself. I was and will always be enough. I was just expecting a lot more. When I realized how hard I had been on myself, I sincerely apologized to the person that I am... for failing to recognize my own beauty and goodness, for pushing myself too hard to the point of breaking, for making the biggest mistake of comparing myself with others (particularly my husband, and all the other women my age who are now mothers), for failing to love me as ME. And because I am my own worst enemy, the only person who can forgive me is also me. Because I won't be able to love myself fully until I forgive myself completely. When I went to confession last month and when the priest told me that my sins were forgiven, I sensed God telling me, "I have forgiven you. Forgive yourself." And now, I can finally say I already have. 😊

By the amazing grace of God and the relentless support of my husband and my family who never failed to shower me with love and compassion, and the faithful prayers of the people who care, I am on my way not just to wellness, but to WHOLENESS. ❤️

I may be broken into a million pieces but each day the Lord restores me, completes me, and makes me anew. 😊

To Him I surrender all. To Him I give all praise and glory and thanksgiving. 🙏

Learn more about Dr. Didoy Lubaton here. 🙂