Thirty-Three: Dying Inside

Today, I am blessed! :)

This morning, we had the continuation of the Covenant Orientation Weekend and I'm so thankful that it was a success. A brother came up to me and thanked me for organizing the weekend. I thanked him back because if not for them, all the preparations would mean nothing. God be truly praised!

After the CO Weekend, we went to the venue of our MV household (Lance's house) and waited for Kuya Alain and Ate Mel. There were five of us - Kuya Alain, Ate Mel, Lance, Ate Gems, and me - and we had an intimate discussion on the topic prepared by Ate Mel. Then we went to Rosario Church to hear mass. We arrived just in time for the last mass for the day and the homily by Fr. Lito was, coincidentally, about covenant. :)

But for today's post, I'd like to focus on the topic that we had during the household.

The key verse was taken from Galatians 2:20. "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

We had the following points for discussion:

1. Do you truly believe in your heart that it is no longer you who live but it is Christ who lives in you, it is Christ who you become?

2. What difficulty we have recently encountered which hindered us to really live in Christ?

3. What experiences of 2012 that you consider an offering to Christ?

I won't share in detail but I'd give a summary.

I consider every experience of this year as an offering to Christ. Since the beginning of 2012, when I left my comfort zone and my "green pasture" (Splash), everything is already an offering. Everything is already about trust and surrender. And while I cannot completely say just yet that it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me, I believe that I am getting there. I am a work in progress, and God is still in the process of purifying me to become like Him, but again, I am getting there. Who I am now is no longer just me. It's a product of all the hurts and terror of the past, and the person that God is molding me to become. Little by little. Slowly, but surely. :)

Four years ago, in one of my posts in my previous blog, I wrote, "Consider me dead." At that time, I was going through a deep emotional trauma and I really felt like the old me has died already. Little did I know back then, that dying is actually part of living. That it's good for me to experience death - death to self - so that Christ may live in me. Now, everytime I feel I'm dying, I thank the Lord, because I know it's His way of entering my heart, breathing in me, and making me just like Him. I cherish those moments when I 'die' because those are the moments when God is living in me. And I pray that everyday, I may die to myself so that Christ may completely live in me. My ultimate goal is for people not to see and experience me but the God who loves and lives in me. :)

Let me end with this song. I first heard it in Bohol during the Great God Conference, and of all the songs played there, this left a mark in my heart. Because this is my song. :)

GOD IN ME

These hands will declare all the greatness of God in me

And my mouth will proclaim all the wonders He made me see

Oh God, reign forever

Oh Lord, consume me now

Now Christ is the strength of a heart that once set in the dark

In His hope I'm made whole, now His freedom that saves my soul

Oh God, reign forever

Oh Lord, consume me now

Great is Your love oh God in me

And I pray that all the world will see, and know, and sing Your name alone

No longer I but Christ in me

My heart desires in His majesty

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